Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Before I met you I wasn't terribly lucky
Every Prince Charming lost charm after twelve
But then you came and made the past look so funny
Put my old sadness to sleep on a shelf
If this was meant to be
Don't condemn me to be free
And even if we never marry
I will always love you, baby
Childishly'
Cause something
You've got something I can't resist
Things are what they will be
When I look into your eyes
They say to me that God's do exist
And there's something
You've got something I can't resist
Things are what they will be
When I look into your eyes
They say to me that God still exists
You make me believe
You make me believe

I love the temperature and smell of your body
The shape of your lips and the size of your nose
I love that everything you say is so funny
Plus you're the best kisser that I've ever known
You see the way I am
Without make-up, without clothes
And you accept me like nobody
And I will always love you, baby
With eyes closed'Cause something
You've got something I can't resist
Things are what they will be
When I look into your eyes
They say to me that God still exists
And there's something
You've got something I can't resist
Things are what they will be
When I look into your eyes
They say to me that God's do exist
You make me believe
You make me believe



Nappygirl Nappy at 1/18/2006 09:51:00 AM

Thursday, January 12, 2006

The scenery of my life shifted quite a bit in the past 6 months. Like falling asleep on a long road trip and waking to find elms and oak trees outside your window instead of palms... that uneasy feeling that you are far from home and everything familiar. I haven't had the luxury deciding whether or not I am okay with my new environment because I've been too busy being forced to navigate this crazy "adult" world. Many days I feel as the shore does, at the mercy of the surf, bracing my self for each crash with just enough time to catch my breath...
Well, maybe I'm beeing too melodramatic, but if I'm gonna learn to live with constant, unshakeable stress, I might as well be poetic about it.
I was actually starting to feel on top of things around October. I was adjusting to the physical, emotional, and administrative demands of work, my students were showing progress, things with Jacques were going really well, and my sister was on her way to visit. Then, from there, October was one big nightmare after another.
First, my principal gave me two days notice that I would be packing up the classroom I was finally happy with, and starting from scratch teaching 9th graders at the middle school nearby. This meant having two days to review new curriculum, make new lesson plans, and. I did the TFA thing to do... I bit the bullet and went with the flow, and struggled to regain control of a classful of 9th graders that for the first nine weeks of the year, had their way with a poor substitute teacher (learning absolutely nothing.) Those first few weeks with my new students were rough. Even now I still struggle through school days with them.

Mid-October, Diana came down from Spelman to spend her fall break with me. Visits with my sister are few and far between but we pack all we can into the time we get to spend together. It would be the first time seeing her in over a year. Both of our lives had changed so much since we last saw each other... I had graduated, and she was in her first semester at Spelman, and I was looking forward to bringing her to school with me and showing her my new apartment, and introducing her to Jacques.
But the day Diana arrived, the biggest nightmare of all happened... In the middle of the Dolphin Expressway, my car engine starts knocking and giving off billows of white smoke. I just about made it off the highway and at the end of the exit ramp when the car would go no further. So there we were, two girls stranded somewhere on NW 22nd Avenue in what looked like Liberty City at 11:30 at night with a car that wouldn't move.

It was a month and a half before I had a car again. That was such a low point for me, that I don't even want to recount what I went through. I will say that I am lucky to have the friends that I have, and that without them, I would have truly given up.

Back to Diana's visit... At some point I wanted Diana to meet my boyfriend, Jacques, although I didn't expect for it to happen as soon as her first night in Miami. But when the car broke down, Jacques came to the rescue. It was quite late by the time we got to my apartment, so he stayed over, which bothered Diana. At first she tried to be subtle about her disapproval of my relationship, but by the end of her stay, she was outright telling me that I needed to break up with him, and that I would continue to be punished by God if I didn't.

The thing is, when you fall in love, you are completely at its mercy. Anyone who has been in love knows. It would be easier to split an atom, than to untwine my soul from his at this point.
Lucky for gravity it is only a law. Laws can be broken. We have ways to get around gravity.
Love on the other hand, knows no laws. There is no defying this force that makes it impossible to remove my thougts from him, or wonder if its meant to be, because it just is. I dare anyone in love to just stop feeling it. Just stop. Its impossible. One day I will derive the mathematical proof and have my name in the physics books. For now, I am the willing prisoner of cruel sweet love.












Nappygirl Nappy at 1/12/2006 06:09:00 PM