Thursday, July 22, 2004

This morning I woke up to the phone ringing.  It was 8:30 and it was Akshara.  She was going to be using my car to go to the Auto Tag agency while I was at work, and called to make sure I was up.  I wasn’t.  But I could still make it if I hurried. 
The drive to Akshara’s takes about 4 minutes on 6th Ave cuz there is only one light. I had just passed it and, was getting ready to turn off 6thonto her street.  I checked my rear view mirror to change lanes, and there it was, larger than life, one of North Miami’s finest with lights flashing and that weird siren honk that frazzles every nerve in your body.  Omg omg omg omg, I kept thinking.  Okay, stay calm.  You’re wearing your seatbelt, you have insurance, you weren’t speeding, and you have a brand new Florida’s license.  What could it be?  I pulled over into the Pizza Point parking lot, and waited for the officer to wander over to my window.  I tried my best to appear calm and collected.  
           “Good morning officer?”
It was more of a question that an actual greeting.  Is there any polite way to say whatthefuck is the problem?  This cop was something straight out of a bad episode of Miami Vice.  He was white, prolly in his early 40’s, had a mustache, kinda reddish hair and was wearing those 80’s jam aviator sunglasses.
           “I couldn’t see your tag, that’s why I pulled you over” 
Phew.  Could he give me a ticket for that?
           “Oh, um… I…”
           “Did the dealer put it in the window like that?’
           “No, uh, I did.”
           “Do you have your registration?”
I reached into the glove box and pulled out the overstuffed envelope that holds any paper work that had any remote relevance to the car.  All the papers the dealer gave me, everything Progressive sent me, even the ad for the car I printed off the Internet. I handed him the slip of paper I got last Saturday when I renewed the temporary tag.  
            “Well, I don’t have the registration yet, I don’t know which one of these is the temp…” He cut me off.
            “Yeah this is it.  Come out here and take a look at this.”
So I get out and look at the tag taped to the inside bottom corner of my rear window.  I really couldn’t understand the problem to tell the truth.  Any higher and it would obstruct my view.  It looked just like every other temporary tag I had seen tacked up on the rear glass.  Of course I couldn’t say that.
“The problem is it has to be visible from 100 feet.  I couldn’t see it when I was behind you. Do you have a license?”  I got it from my wallet and handed it to him; the last thing on my mind was the absolutely god-awful picture on the license. “Do you have any violations on your license?”
            “No, I don’t.”
He calls in my number on his radio gadget thing and I just stand there, feeling really awkward and hoping to God no one I knew would be driving by at that very moment.  Damn it was hot. 
            “So do you like it at Barry?”
I gave a nervous laugh.  He read my shirt.  It pissed me off, that this mofo was gonna stand there and try to make small talk with me.  Of course I couldn’t show that. 
            “Hehe, yeah I like it.  It’s a good school.”
            “Its expensive though isn’t it?”  Like he really gave a shit.
            “Yeah, but they give out a lot of money.”
            “Oh, do they?”  Just then a crackly voice came from the other end of the radio thing with some police officer code that meant I was telling our friendly little police officer the truth.  “As soon as you get a chance you need to get some screws and a frame and put the tag down here”.  He handed me my papers and pointed to the empty license plate spot on my back bumper. 
            “Sure, no problem.  Thanks”.
            “All right, have a nice day”.  Yeah right...  Ugh. 
I pulled into Akshara’s driveway, where she was sitting on her stoop already waiting for me.  I explained what held me up, and we high-fived my very first pull-over.  I guess its something to celebrate, especially since I didn’t get a ticket.  Akshara had some news for me that she just couldn’t wait to get out.  Apparently Sky has a crush on me. (whole other issue for another entry).  Ha, surprise surprise.  I drove to school, and she took off with my car.
So I finally walked into Kelly house and punched in at 9:28.  Luckily Courtney didn’t notice and Jenny didn’t care.  The good thing about being half an hour late, was that it would only be another half another half an hour until the best boy ever (Gianni that is) came to work.  He is the only thing that gets me through the morning.  My shift went by with relatively little trouble.  I had a wack tour, but that’s usually expected.  Did my timesheet.  Courtney called a meeting with me Guy and Claudia to see if we’ve made any progress on the club agenda over the summer.  Of course not biatch, its summer.  Say it with me, SUMMER.
Lunchtime came around and, since Gianni gets off an hour before I do, he ran to the BK lounge to get something off their dollar menu while I finished up my shift.  Akshara came back and gave me my car keys, which I put in my purse.  He got back just at two and we went to our usual lunch spot: The Bucstop.  Nothing unusual happened, we talked, I stole his onion rings, he finished my burger. We shared his diet coke while we pondered the mystery of life.  I wanted to run home before I started my shift for Dave, and Gianni wanted to go home to take a nap since he didn’t have to work at Dr. Griffin’s office cuz Janet was off getting drunk with Phyllis at the annual Student Services Retreat.  I threw away the BK bag and carried my mail, purse and a banana with me to my car.  I said goodbye to Gianni in the parking lot, and got in my car, put on my seatbelt and dug in my purse for my car keys.   I kept digging.  I dumped out my purse in the passenger seat.  I got out and looked around my door.  I looked in the grass nearby.  Where the fuck are my car keys?  I started to panic.  I grabbed my purse and retraced my steps all the way back to the table at the bucstop.  Oh, no.  Could I have thrown them away?  I looked gingerly inside the trash bin I had thrown my trash in.  I couldn’t see anything.  One of the employees stopped, looked at me and asked why on earth was I looking in the garbage.  It is the most embarrassing thing to tell someone that you think you threw your keys away, for god’s sake.  Bless her heart, she went and got some plastic gloves, took the top off the bin, and moved the trash around looking for my key.  I was getting desperate now.  They weren’t in the trash.  I went to public safety.  No keys.  The post office.  Nope.  Retraced again.  Nope.  Went back to my car.  Uh uh. What a lovely day this was turning out to be.  I did this wild goose chase for an hour before I gave up and went back to Kelly House.  I didn’t want to say anything about what had happened before I knew what I was going to do, but my face gave me away.  I know that everyone was trying to help, but I swear if I heard someone else ask me if I looked in my purse I was going to knock someone’s teeth out… or cry.  And I was determined not to cry.  I went upstairs to the empty desk and looked up some locksmiths.  The first one told me it would cost between $160-$190.  The tears were coming.  The next one said $60 dollars.  Good thing I called him second.  Fuck.  I had 28 dollars in my bank account and two in my wallet.  I called my mom.  She had just sent me $300.  230 for my car insurance, and 60 to hold me over for the week that my sister will be here till my next paycheck.  There goes the money that I haven’t even gotten yet.  I was even closer to tears after her lecture.  I don’t think I have felt lower than I did this afternoon.  I was also supposed to me at work for Dave.  I went into his office to pick up the assignment for the day, but there was no way I could concentrate on anything.  What the hell am I going to do?  Okay.  Gianni said take a cab home tonight, he will help me with the locksmith tomorrow.  I guess it’s not the end of the world.  Just breathe.  I can get through this.  I was sitting in front of the computer staring out the window when Akshara came up.  She had heard from Jenny and Emily downstairs. Another “did you look in your purse?”  ARGGGGHHHH!! 
I did manage to calm down and get some work done.  I would work till 8, call a cab and run to the ATM and take out ten bucks.  No problem. 
I gathered all my stuff, locked up the office and walked over to the ATM.  It looked like some old dude was hunched over the ATM, using it, so I’m thinking I’m in line after him, when I realize in horror he is a technician and has a keyboard hooked up to the ATM.  He turns to me and says, he’s sorry, but its not working and he doesn’t think he can get it running anytime soon.  Are you serious??  My eyes are starting to well up.   I absolutely cannot believe this.  I started walking back toward Kelly House when I realized maybe Jazzy has money.  I could still take the cab, run into the apartment, borrow money, and pay the driver.  Okay fine.  I stood waiting at the security booth for my cab.  I was pacing the curb like a gymnast on a balance beam feeling completely alone and exhausted.  I turned around at the sound of some voices.  Oh, look who it is, Latin Ken and his BMS buddies getting out of class. Huh.  I turned around quickly. I was in no mood to be social right now.  And seeing as how I had been running into him on campus all summer, I knew a hello would be in order.  He walked by me and said
“What’s up 6’2”?”  Yeah, he has taken to calling me by Rolland’s nickname.
“Oh, hey. (Best smile I could muster)  Nothing much.”
He kept on walking toward the parking lot.  I went back to my balance beam.  I didn’t notice that he had stopped until he called back to me.
“Hey, are you waiting on someone? Do you need a ride?”
            “Uh, yeah, sure, I was just waiting for a cab.”
            “Huh? I can’t hear you!”  He was too far away.
            “Sure!”
            “Well come on then!” I jogged a bit to catch up to him.
            “Jesse, right?”
“Yep.  C’mon, I’ll give you a ride.”
“You’ll never believe this, but I lost my car keys.”
He was the only one who didn’t look at me like I was a complete retard when I told him the story.   He was the nicest guy and we had the most pleasant chat on the way to my apartment.  He had a funny little Texas/southern accent that totally didn’t fit with his Latin ken-ness. I kicked myself in the ass all those times I was goofing around and called him stoopid.  I was so grateful.  Just when I thought the day couldn’t get any worse, it got better.  I guess I was so used to having my friends around, I forgot that random people can be nice too.  I finally started to relax, and I thought, ha! I didn’t cry after all. 
I thanked him, told him he was a lifesaver, and he drove off. 
Now I’m going to try to wash this day off of me in the shower.
                                                            
 


Nappygirl Nappy at 7/22/2004 11:08:00 PM

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Yeah, its me again.  I'm a little pissed off right now.  I will explain later, but I have decided to change my blog address.  I need to reassess who I want reading it. 


Nappygirl Nappy at 7/21/2004 10:13:00 PM  

Blockbuster is having this promotion.  One month of unlimited movie rentals for $15.  I got it yesterday and I've already rented 5 movies!  The best one was Butterfly Effect, and the worst one was Along Came Polly.  I plan on renting at the very least, a movie a day for the next month.  I might as well get my money's worth, after all, it is summertime. And summertime is all about being as unproductive as humanly possible.  I love how even though I work 35 hours a week, I still get to veg out, and sleep in, and feel like I'm on vacation.  Tomorrow is an all day workday though... yech.  I have to work from 9am to 8pm.  
Yesterday felt longer than it really was.  I worked in the morning, (had a really great tour), and by the time I got off at 2, it was raining so bad the electricity went out.  I picked up Akshara at Channel 2 and took her home.  I didn't feel like going back to work just yet, and I felt bad about leaving Jazzy with nothing to do, so we stopped by Blockbuster.  After the movie, I forced myself to go back to work at 6.  (Except I really didn't get much work done.) We got some pizza ( the night before we visited the 24 hr Krispy Kreme on 6th and got a dozen) and veged out in front of the TV for the rest of the night.  I've been eating pure crap for the last week and a half. Ever since I got sick I've been eating like a monster.  Why is it the worst food is also the best tasting AND the cheapest?  Akshara went home with my car so she could drive herself to Channel 2 this morning.  I didn't feel like disturbing my sleep at 8 in the morning when I didn't have to be to work till the afternoon.  Sky stopped by around 1, and nearly made me jump out of my skin when he knocked on the door.  I don't usually have unexpected visitors at 1am.  He hung out for a while and, around two I finally went to bed. 
I woke up this afternoon at two.  I thought the clock said 12, cuz without my contacts its hard to tell, but I squinted and the one disappeared.   12 whole hours of sleep.  Ahhh... the joy of summer.  I am pround to announce that I haven't done shit all day. Not a darn thing. 
Good news!  My sister called today with her flight info.  She gets here Saturday night.   Woot! 
I really hope these thunderstorms go away by this weekend.  There is a lot I want to do and rain is not in the picture.  Well, either way, we are going to have fun no matter what. Shopping, beaches, maybe a little roadtrip??  Ooh and as soon as I get pics developed they are going online. 
Before I go, I just want to send a shout out to my secret society peeps: We got Double D Dawn Diamond in the house, The one and only Cactus Kritten, and Homie G Gianni.  Nappy Girl says word up.  



Nappygirl Nappy at 7/21/2004 08:36:00 PM

Monday, July 19, 2004

listening to:  nothing

Okay, so I'm at work right now, and being the great procrastinator that I am, I would rather do anything else but work.  So I'm going to blog.  This morning I took Akshara to her new "real" job over at Channel 2.  Then I went home and went back to sleep until my usual monday wake up time of noon.  It rained again today.  I think the rain is here to stay.  We got away with no rain for the first three months of the summer, and now its payback time.  My hair is returning to its natural curliness, I am quite happy about that.  Never again will I mess with my hair.  For real this time, I truly have come to terms with its nappiness, and I not only accept it, I like it.  Now my goal is to have it long.     Aight, so big change of subject... I've come to a realization about something...
 Y'know how us women are always saying that there are no good guys left?  Or they are all either gay or taken?  Or something similar to that, exlaining the lack of suitable guy material these days?  Well, I've figured it out...  Its not that women want the "good" guy, the nice, sweet, romantic, incredibly considerate, nice guy.  Well, we say that's what we want, but think about it, when is the last time you came across a nice guy who was also attractive?  I'm not just talking physically attractive, I mean, magnetically attractive?  So you find a nice guy, but if that something is missing, it means the difference between intense attraction, and that guilty feeling that you just don't like him even though you have no reason not to.  In my case, I can't explain what that something is, but the guys I have been most strongly attracted to, had it.  They weren't necessarily the "nice" guy, or the most physically attractive, but none of that matters when you are smitten.   So, the problem is not that there aren't enough good guys out there, its coming across someone you are incredibly attracted to, who is also incredibly attracted to you.   That's the problem.
I'm giving up on getting to know guys through dating. To define dating I mean, meeting someone outside of your usual social circle and spending time, one on one, in a romantic setting with the expectation that a potential relationship could occur.  Its garbage.  I don't beleive you can truly get to know a person that way.  He'll be on his best behavior, saying and doing anything to impress, and vice versa.  You have to sell yourself on a date, prove that you are worthy of their approval.  No good.  So what is the alternative then?  Call me crazy, but there is a lot to be said for friendship.  My intense attractors have been close friends first.  When you get to know someone slowly, as a friend, the qualities in a person reveal themselves in an honest light.  Instead of being told why you should like someone, you can see it with your own eyes, eyes that aren't searching for a reason to fall for them. Often the discovery is not as significant as the way being near them feels completely natural and comfortable. Who cares how much you know about him when you don't want to be anywhere but in his presence. But its the little things in what you do know that makes you fall... things you could never see after a few dates.  Dating is superficial. We screen prospects based on certain criteria: What does he do? How tall is he? How much money does he have? What kind of car does he drive? How far away does he live? What's his religion? Do we hold the same standards for our friends? I don't think so. We become friends because of something real. A connection that has nothing to do with convienience, or status, or a cool car. So, whenever I meet that guy, I meet him.  For now, screw dating.  Its just a waste of time. In the end, its all a matter of the right timing. Which brings me to my next realization. As a beleiver in "everything happens for a reason", how can anything speed up, or delay, the right timing? This is the scary part... Maybe some people are meant to find that one person, and some, aren't. Some people go from relationship to relationship, and heartbreak after heartbreak and won't ever find that one person. If its going to happen, it will, and nothing can stop it. And if its not, it can't be forced. What category do I fall into I wonder. And if I fall into the "alone" category, I wonder if I would be okay with that. I think maybe I'm a little too young to be thinking that far ahead.


Nappygirl Nappy at 7/19/2004 07:31:00 PM

Sunday, July 18, 2004

listening to:

I was excited all day Friday at work, because I was secretly planning Gianni's birthday party the whole time. I got off work at 2, and I had to get everything ready by 5. So I ran around to Party City, Publix etc... I decided on a Luau theme for the decorations. I got banners and crepe paper and leis, which we all wore to dinner at PF Changs and got ridiculous looks from everyone. It was a humble little party, just the four of us, Gianni, Akshara, me and Jazzy, but we had a blast. I also got fruit flavored liquor and watermelon and green apple jello and straws with built in umbrellas to complete the theme. We had apple martini's and jello shots, and watched a complete season of Sex and the City on DVD. best show ever. We ended up going to bed at like 1 in the morning, cuz we were all so tired from the week, but considering we started partying at 5:30 it wasn't so bad.
Saturday we managed to get up slightly before noon. Gianni was officially 21. The plan was to do some errands in Broward County, dun dun dun... I had to go back to the car dealer to get my title, Akshara had to go to the lady she bought her car from and get some document, and then take Gianni home, since he didn't have Aquanetta. After all the showers and whatnot, we made it out by 3, got Akshara from Kelly House and headed up I-95. We got back to Miami by 6, where it was pouring rain.
We got back and started laundry, and while it was washing, went back to Akshara's place, where Yurajpatti and Sky were waiting for her (they have a key). Yurajpatti is an RA in Kolasa for the summer, but she isn't taking classes, and Sky is her boyfriend, I think. They claim to be just friends, but they act like a couple. Anyways, she came over to use Akshara's kitchen to make roti. If you hadn't guessed by now, Yurajpatti is also Indian, but not FOB, she was born in New Jersey or something. She brought an indian movie with her, and we watched it and ate roti, yummm. Some of their friends stopped by as the movie was ending, and after a while some one suggested we go down to the beach to hang out. We rode in Sky's convertible down to Miami beach at 11, and didn't get back until 2 am. Then Yurajpatti made banana crepes with ice cream at 2 in the morning. I haven't cracked up so much in so long and I was so tired when I got home. It was definitely a fun night.
So now its already Sunday, and I'm not ready for the weekend to be over. I wish the rain would stop so I can go to the beach. It is already the middle of July and I have not had a decent day at the beach. No wait that's not true... Gianni and I did go to the gay beach in Ft. Lauderdale that one time. That was fun. Except I was the only girl on the strip. But that meant I didn't have to feel self concious in my bathing suit lol.
So I have a few things to look forward to in the next month and a half. Diana is going to be here in a week. THAT is going to be the highlight of my summer. I haven't seen her since freshman year. When I did finally meet her, it felt like I was getting to meet my celebrity idol. It was so surreal. She knows me as if we grew up together in the same house. I can't wait until she gets here! Her birthday is on the 22nd, and she will be here on the 23rd.
Candice is coming back on August 9th. I miss her a lot. Coming back to her old life is going to be hard I'm sure. Or maybe it will be a good thing to escape that island and those evil people.
Then my birthday is in one month. That isn't really something Im particularly looking forward to, but it is a milestone.
Then August 22 we shall all be reunited! I can't wait to see Kristen and Dawnie and Ryan. Things will be back to normal. Then school starts on the 30th. That, I am not looking forward to. But its a necessary evil. Then Kris's bday is the 31st.
Lots and lots to look forward to.
So, I should go and get my laundry out of my trunk now, and hope its not too wrinkled. Happy sunday ya'll.



Nappygirl Nappy at 7/18/2004 01:25:00 PM

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

listening to:

Woohoo, I talked to Kristen today. I sure was getting weird looks from my sister cuz I was cracking up saying weird things like, MSG'd! and sailing mishap, which is perfectly normal conversation to me, but I can see how it could have weirded her out. Every body needs a Kristen. I feel sorry for you people that have to go through life Kristenless. *shakes head in pity* I am counting the days till August. I can't wait to be reunited with my blond twin separated at birth, and Dawnie, and Ryan and Jack and Candice and the whole gang! Woot.
Nappy Jr and I just went on a Walgreens run cuz I just realized we are running low on food and I would be a terrible sister if I left the poor girl here all day tomorrow with no food in the house. And needless to say, visits to the 24hr Walgreens just ain't the same without the gang. For some reason, this Walgreens was very packed for 10:30 on a Wednesday evening. And packed with white people. That is in no way meant to be racist, by the way, we happen to live in the Ghetto, and frequently we find ourselves being the whitest people out in social situations, and I ain't even white, know what I'm sayin. So anyways, I'm getting annoyed dogding this one pack of highschool white boys who are loud and obnoxious and keep getting in my way as I wander down the frozen food aisle. They are grabbin shit of the shelves, and laughing, and calling each other names, and I'm about to get pissed off and say excuse me really loudly, And it occured to me... maybe, just maybe, that's what other people think of us when we are staging fights about who is Kristen's babydaddy this week... and then I couldn't be so mad at them, and it made me miss everyone even more. So, anyways, we stocked up on 99cent bags of raisinettes and gummi bears and oh, can I just say that Ben and Jerry's new Brownie Batter ice cream is the best thing on God's green earth right now. I had to be a responsible sister, so we got some real food, like the Easy Mac that was on sale buy one get one free. And some bagels. And Coke, also on sale 99 cents, yo.
So, anyways, I have another long day of work ahead of me. 9am until, according to Courtney. She nicely asked me to stay longer than my usual shift cuz they might be short staffed tomorrow. Being nice seems to go against Courtney's nature. I wish she were being eaten by a gelatenous monster.
Speaking of Gianni, his birthday is on Saturday! I am planning a little shindig for him on Friday night, and afterward, dinner some place classy. Which means we'll prolly have to behave. Hmmm, I wonder if Denny's does birthdays... lol just kidding. He is the first of us illegals to turn 21. I wonder what getting drunk legally is like lol.
Anywho, I suddenly got tired. I don't understand sometimes how I would go weeks and weeks getting 6 hours of sleep tops and making it to class and work, and studying afterwards. I can barely make it to five if I get to bed later than midnight these days. I guess vacation does that to you. So I'm gonna call it a night folks. peace out yo.



Nappygirl Nappy at 7/14/2004 11:15:00 PM

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

listening to:

Okay, so its about time I posted a real good blog of substance. I haven't blogged not because there isn't anything to write about, on the contrary, so much has been happening and running through my mind. Oh so much.

I came down with strep throat Wednesday night. I got the first scratchings of a sore throat while we were at dinner at Olive Garden and I wrote it off as nothing more than the start of a plain old cold. The next day, the sore throat was full blown and I was feeling really lethargic and achy. By noon I could barely walk two steps without feeling like I was about to die, so I called it an early day and slept from 1pm that afternoon straight until 7am Friday. I made it through an hour of work Friday morning, then scheduled a doctors appointment for that afternoon, went home and was sleeping by 9am straight until 15 mins before the appointment. I had no idea what was wrong with me except that in a 24 hour period I had been awake for a grand total of 2 and a half hours. Getting up to get a drink of water was exhausting. My muscles ached from the fever, and swallowing was excruciating. It was as fun as swallowing razors. I somehow made it to the doctor, although I was delerious and shaking (probably from not eating anything in two days), and when she asked me to describe my symptoms, I broke out in tears. I felt so stupid, I was a grown woman sitting on the examining table bawling my eyes out cuz I had a sore throat lol. I felt like I was five. All I knew was that I was miserable and I wanted it to go away. So first of she gives me three liquid motrins to kill the fever and aches, and diagnosed it as strep throat and perscribed some penecillin. Now here's the thing. I took microbio last semester, I could tell you all about Streptococcus and all the nasty little diseases it causes. I could tell you whether they are Gram positive or negative, what kind of nutrient medium they prefer, but let me tell you... I never thought those tiny little microscopic creatures could cause such torture. The infection was in my tonsils, a two inch chunk of flesh, but it made my the rest of my body feel like it was going to shrivel up and die. Anyways, thank God for penecillin, cuz it sure did knock out the little buggers.

So anyways. I'm back to life. And I'm not contagious anymore. As one particular male friend pointed out to me in a way that I wasn't too comfortable with. *sigh* And then there are the boys. The whole Andres thing is over. Kristen, you were so right. Never let me doubt you again. I wasn't even bummed about it though, as a matter of fact, I was pretty okay with it. I ran into him in the parking lot last week. It was so stupid and so awkward. I do beleive we have a mutual understanding that "it" was over, but I decided not to make it easy for him. I gave him my sweetest smile and asked him what he was doing down here? Its a big thing for him to be on campus since he has to drive 40 mins from Coral Springs, and the last time he made the trip, he called and stopped by the apartment and we had lunch. Obviously this time, he had no intention of calling to let me know he was in the neighborhood. So he kinda squinted and told me he came down to do research since he was bored. I mentioned that I got a new phone, and he escaped that one by telling me his phone "still isn't working, sometimes it rings, sometimes it doesn't". We made the obligatory small talk about the job interview he has coming up, and the whole time I watched him squirm. I could tell he felt caught, and I was glad. I decided that I might as well make him feel bad about it. We ended the convo with an "I'll see you", or something as vague, and I walked away laughing to myself. All guys are the same.

So then why am I entertaining the idea of keeping things going with this new guy? Maybe curiosity, maybe cuz I am a pad pessimist, but mostly I think its cuz I kinda feel like I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. I kinda like him. He is funny and a little more mature, and he is going to medical school, and so far, isn't playing the usual games. He says what's on his mind, which suprised me. I had to tell him that I wasn't used to such openness and honesty. He said, why play games and read signs and try to guess what the other person is thinking, we're adults here. Big shocker. That I think is the reason why I decided to give it a chance, but just that, a chance. I'm not getting my hopes up in the least. There is no limit to the number of ways a guy can f--- you over.

Gotta get back to work, I'll write more later.



Nappygirl Nappy at 7/13/2004 05:56:00 PM

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

listening to:

Sonnet XVII by Pablo Neruda

Sonnet XVII

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
Or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
In secret, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly; without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where "I" does not exist, nor "you,"
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.




Nappygirl Nappy at 7/07/2004 06:50:00 PM

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

listening to:In My Place--Coldplay

Forgive me for not blogging in forever. I admit I have put it off because there is so much to update, but of course, the more I delay, the more I will have to write about.
The first half of the summer wrapped up my sister arrived fine, Hannah's gone and Dawn,Jack,and Candice have gone home till August. Now that things have smoothed out, the second half of the summer is looking very promising, thankfully all drama has left the state and/or country. And now this is turning out to be the best summer I've had sine I started college, I mean it could be better if some people didn't have to go, and if Kritten were here, but nonetheless, it doesn't compare to the toture that is going home.
I also beleive 100% that things happen for a reason, the choices we make are included in that. Im starting to think that some choices aren't really a choice at all, but inevitable because of a previous choice made, and so on and so on until we are too deep in it to ever have hope of digging a way out... okay let me stop there. I have to go, cuz Im at work. But I'll write later.



Nappygirl Nappy at 7/06/2004 07:34:00 PM